LackOfCoolName

Noob cosplayer, noob roleplayer, and noob name

53,441 notes

What if women had minstrel cycles instead of menstrual cycles? You’d just have a guy with a lute follow you around for a week every month and play you songs constantly?

My boyfriend (via thecarrionlibrarian)

#no but can you imagine if that was how you learned once a month you weren’t pregnant#by some dude singing songs about the victory of it#you wake up and he’s there and you are so happy#this dude becomes your favorite dude#but then you realize you haven’t seen your friend’s minstrel in a while#I mean everyone notices#like half the people are on the same cycle so for one week out of four your job is just flooded with fucking minstrels everywhere#the cacophony#but Mary over there is all alone#and she’s like my minstrel is late#but we all fucking know#her minstrel has gone off to find her a baby#a nine month journey he must make alone#and until he comes back there is no music in her life#what a glorious world this would be#I love the minstrels (@onionjuggler)

(via bowties-and-salt)

105,252 notes

ka-kawgoodsir:

isolatedartisan:

italyans:

nasdaq:

#FridayFun time! Now here’s an innovation the world is ready for: The Cuddle Mattress, which introduces slats to the upper half of the bed, making it easier to slip your arm around your partner and still sleep in comfort. http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/08/27/216091675/weekly-innovation-a-mattress-that-makes-it-easier-to-cuddle

this is it.
THIS IS FUCKING IT.
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF ARMS FALLING ASLEEP AND ACHING NECKS WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED
THERE IS NO MORE WORRYING NOW THAT WE HAVE THESE FOAM STRIPS TO SHOVE OUR GRUBBY LITTLE ARMS INTO. JUST THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES. MAYBE SOME KID CAN FILL A PLASTIC BAG WITH LUBE, TUCK IT BETWEEN THIS SHIT, AND JUST GO TO FUCKING TOWN ON THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART MATTRESS 
BUT THATS NOT ALL. DO YOUR FUCKING TOES GET COLD? SHOVE YOUR FEET IN THESE CUSHIONS AND SLEEP SOUNDLY KNOWING YOUR FOOT-NUBS ARE FREE OF THE COLD.
NEED TO KEEP YOUR PHONE CLOSER WHILE YOU SLEEP? TOSS IT IN THE CRACK. AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN THEIR NURSERY? WEDGE IT INTO THE CRACK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. EVER TEMPTED TO SIP A BEVERAGE WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED? SHOVE A CUP AND THERE AND INSERT YOUR STRAW. PRESTO-CHANGO, MOTHERFUCKERS. 
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THIS BED CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. GO OUT THERE AND BUY YOUR CUDDLING, MASTURBATORY, CHILD-AND-DRINK-HOLDING, PHONE-STORING MATTRESS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD

Tumblr users should never make infomercials

xcuse yew

ka-kawgoodsir:

isolatedartisan:

italyans:

nasdaq:

#FridayFun time! Now here’s an innovation the world is ready for: The Cuddle Mattress, which introduces slats to the upper half of the bed, making it easier to slip your arm around your partner and still sleep in comfort. http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/08/27/216091675/weekly-innovation-a-mattress-that-makes-it-easier-to-cuddle

this is it.

THIS IS FUCKING IT.

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF ARMS FALLING ASLEEP AND ACHING NECKS WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED

THERE IS NO MORE WORRYING NOW THAT WE HAVE THESE FOAM STRIPS TO SHOVE OUR GRUBBY LITTLE ARMS INTO. JUST THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES. MAYBE SOME KID CAN FILL A PLASTIC BAG WITH LUBE, TUCK IT BETWEEN THIS SHIT, AND JUST GO TO FUCKING TOWN ON THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART MATTRESS 

BUT THATS NOT ALL. DO YOUR FUCKING TOES GET COLD? SHOVE YOUR FEET IN THESE CUSHIONS AND SLEEP SOUNDLY KNOWING YOUR FOOT-NUBS ARE FREE OF THE COLD.

NEED TO KEEP YOUR PHONE CLOSER WHILE YOU SLEEP? TOSS IT IN THE CRACK. AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN THEIR NURSERY? WEDGE IT INTO THE CRACK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. EVER TEMPTED TO SIP A BEVERAGE WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED? SHOVE A CUP AND THERE AND INSERT YOUR STRAW. PRESTO-CHANGO, MOTHERFUCKERS. 

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THIS BED CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. GO OUT THERE AND BUY YOUR CUDDLING, MASTURBATORY, CHILD-AND-DRINK-HOLDING, PHONE-STORING MATTRESS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD

Tumblr users should never make infomercials
xcuse yew

(via edens-blog)

Filed under YESYESYES

10,050 notes

lawfulgoodness:

outofcontextdnd:

Druid: My name is Erik with a k.

NPC: *writes name down* And your last name?

Druid: With a k.

NPC: No I got that: Erik. What’s your last name?

Druid: My last name is with a k.

NPC: Wait…is your name Erik Erik?

Druid: My last name is With a K.

NPC:  Okay wait a minute, so to clarify —

Druid: My last name is literally the phrase *air quotes* “Withakay.” It is all one word.

NPC: *finishes writing* So review the document to make sure I got this right.

Druid: *looks* No I spell Eric with a C

I hope Eric Withakay dies a fiery death.

Filed under HEHEHEH

48,192 notes

Anonymous asked: how is that homophobic? i have gay friends and support them all the way, but i don't believe in gay marriage.

scienceofsarcasm:

ickletayto:

lesbianvenom:

your gay friends are all talking shit behind your back 100%

Yeah, you support them all the way.. We’ll most of the way.. Well some of the way.. Clearly not as far as marriage.. Cause marriage ain’t for gays.. Or something

You hear so many of these people say, “I have a lot of gay friends but don’t believe in same sex marriage”, but you never hear gay people say “I’ve lots of friends who think it should be illegal for me to marry the person I love”.

So, here’s a PSA for everyone who is against marriage equality, but thinks they have gay friends. You probably don’t. What you have are gay acquaintances who have learned to quietly put up with your bullshit because it’s the path of least resistance and they just don’t have the energy to “My Fair Lady” your ass into being a decent human being.

Filed under THANK. YOU. SO FUCKING MUCH

292,946 notes

sherrocked:

My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other

(Source: amovible, via thebatmanskryptonite)

Filed under CATS